I'm a drama queen

no i'm not just noticing it. but still i thought i'd state the obvious to help myself accept it a little more.


I think I should have wrote that I'm over one. And stuck on another that I can't have. It was put in to perspective for me. Most of the guys in my life, I got, and sometimes by dishonorable means. I owe them sincere apologies and hope they only have the best in life. And now, there's one I can't have. There's no possible way, and it just is so intriguing to me. Being the chaser instead of the chasee. I don't know how to be a chaser. I never thought I was actually following what my family said when they told me "Don't you ever chase after a boy, the boy chases after you."

Well guess what I'm doing.
Well, not really doing, but thinking about constantly.
My imagination needs to calm down. I'm going to go back to watching every movie with Robert Downey Jr. in it that I can find. He's extremely talented. And handsome, and an awesome IRONMAN. Whatever the opposite of pedophilia is, I'm guilty of it.


I really hate loss. But I am learning a lot about myself right now. About what I believe in, and who I need to have in my life. I can live without the grief, I don't need it nor do I deserve it, from this person anyway.
I'm going to skype a friend today. I'm really excited. More than I should be.
I need to get used to loss.