I am someone without someone.

Everyone likes to think better of themselves. Everyone would like to think they have qualities they don't really possess, but would like to have. Like me. I would like to think I'm an independent person. Truth is I'm extremely dependent. I depend on my friends more than anything, I'm still depending on my parents for money, I depend on being with someone in some way to feel like I matter.

For the first time in a while I'm alone. It sounds sad but that's the only way I can think to put it. It's normal, to be alone, to not always have someone, to be single for a while, to not need to cuddle with someone all the time, to have someone tell you they love you, tell you that you matter. It's just that it's been a while for me. I'm not a hookup kind of girl but I don't want a relationship. I'm a little low on hope lately.
Being alone doesn't help my self-confidence, which tells me I need to not base some of my self-confidence on being with someone. I am someone without someone else. I just need to know it's ok. To realize that I am. To be just that more independent. I am me without him.